Revenge of the Humors

You might recall from history class that certain eras in European history were less than sanitary. Lately I’m obsessed with Versailles and the court of Louis XIV. The court apparently bathed very little because they found the opening of the pores when wet to be a detriment, especially considering the safety of the water itself.

Revenge of the Humors – Louis XIV trying to remain in balance.

The water contained micro-organisms that could make a person deathly ill. If you think of the costumes of this time you’ll remember that powder wigs were all the rage.

Do I look fab?

If we think of modern-day dry shampoo being powdered talc, it makes sense that these dirty folks would opt for other ways to cleanse. Powders clean us without that filthy water.

At the time of Louis XIV people washed their hands with alcohol upon rising in the morning.

Have us a sip?

Alcohol was actually a drink of choice in the past because it was safer to drink than plain water. Alcohol is a disinfectant. I keep rubbing alcohol and vinegar in spray bottles in my house and use them for everything. I also use bentonite clay and activated charcoal powder a lot for their propensity to bind to all of the harmful chemicals that we come into contact with. See…no water!

Just now I did a foot soak with bentonite clay and red wine vinegar. Then I sprayed myself down with red wine vinegar and threw some clean clothes on. It felt amazing. This was just an experiment. Vinegar is amazing for the skin. It alkalizes the skin. This is what a toner is, if you didn’t know. You can use vinegar as a face toner after cleansing and as a hair rinse to remove residue. Sometimes I’ll do a water-less face wash at night too. I just smear coconut oil all over my face and whipe it off with a paper towel. Voila! Like attracts like. It binds to the bad oil and nourishes my skin with it’s richness. I feel so amazing!

I’m doing a detox right now and have been documenting the stages on here. You can get a lot of toxins out of the body through the feet. This is probably why my foot soak felt so amazing just now. The bentonite clay draws out toxins the same way that Epsom or Himalayan salt would. It’s even more effective. It also contains trace minerals. People do face masks with bentonite clay and vinegar. I figured I’d do the face mask on my feet and just made a sludge with the clay and vinegar. I also threw in some Himalayan sea salt. Definitely feel rejuvenated post-soak.

Warning: If you do this, do not let the bentonite clay go down the drain because it will clog it. Then you’ll try throwing Draino, the most toxic substance known to man, down after to chase it and the bentonite clay will neutralize the Draino and expand while absorbing it. You’ll end up with a major plumbing problem.

Back to balancing the humors/cleaning and detoxing without water…

Another really gross way to detox is by oil pulling. You put your oil type of choice (usually coconut oil) in your mouth and swish it around. It pulls toxins out of your cheeks and teeth. I like adding oil of oregano and activated charcoal. The oil of oregano freshens the mouth and kills micro-organisms. The activated charcoal binds to toxins. This makes me feel better about them swishing around in my mouth for 20 minutes. I want to make sure that they don’t go back into my body so I feel better that they are killed in my mouth and adsorbed by the charcoal. After 20 minutes I spit the nasty black mixture into a bag and throw it in the trash (again not down the drain). Then I swish with water and sea salt to draw out any remaining crud and rinse. Oil pulling makes a HUGE difference in the cleanliness of the mouth. It can even clear out cavities to prevent them from getting worse. It majorly whitens the teeth. You just have to be aware that the activated charcoal can stain your mouth for a bit. You can put Vaseline on your lips before starting the swish to minimize temporary staining. I love to floss post oil pulling. I can feel the gritty activated charcoal between my teeth grabbing up all of the icky stuff. Then I swish again with the salt water. You should always do mouthwash of some sort after flossing. The bacteria that you stir up is dangerous if you swallow it. It’s best to oil pull right when you wake up to get all of that bacteria out before you eat anything. Unfortunately oil pulling is not fun at all. It’s miserable the whole time. I’m lazy about doing it lately.

What I’ve learned about the humors is that it was believed by the ancient Greeks and into the era of Louis XIV that people are predisposed to certain constitutions. There were elements that one could come into contact with that were thought to throw off the humors. This would lead to malaise and behavioral problems.

Cool Old School and Eastern Humor Charts

Beyond humors, there are the 8 constitutions that most acupuncturists will identify. They might not tell you what yours is, but chances are that your care plan is based on one of these 8 constitutions. And you should learn what yours is and adjust your diet to live a more vital life. My constitution is weak kidneys and chicken and alcohol are pretty much lethal for me. Still, that’s all I ingested this spring. Probably had a lot to do with my downfall but that’s another blog.

Try to look at the 8 types below and discern, possibly based on your history of issues with organs or sensitivity to food, to find out what constitution you are. Take note of some foods that are naturally agreeable for you. Have you noticed that you feel more vital when you’ve done certain health plans in the past? Diets are dependent on the individual. I do not believe that there is one cut and dried solution to health. Your food prescription is like any other medicine. Some people take insulin and some people take mood stabilizers. These are both “medicine” but are completely different from one another. Food is the same. You need to figure out what foods will benefit your body to live the most vital life possible. This should be a priority. Below I have posted the 8 constitutions and their food prescriptions.


If you find humors to be as intriguing as I do, below I have posted juicy article from the creative commons. Enjoy!

The 4 Humors and Erythrocyte Sedimentation: The Most Influential Observation in Medical History

Full-text PDF Download Here


2 Strange Health Theories that Might be True

1. An apple a day keeps the doctor away

This may be more important than you think. Apple seeds contain amygdalin which is reduced to cyanide in your blood. Because mother nature wouldn’t produce a negative without a positive, we can be assured that if you eat an apple and happen to eat some seeds with it, the other compounds in the apple (benzaldehyde and glucose) will bind with the cyanide and actually make something called laetrile which is also known as B17. This has long been thought to counteract cancer (according to holistic healthcare enthusiasts). Cyanide is in our drinking water anyway, so if you’re exposed to that you could possibly counteract it by just eating an apple a day as the old wives tale went. This is the same with apricots and peaches too. There are actually Eastern cultures where a man’s wealth is measured by the number of apricot trees he owns.

Note: Eat the seed…not the core. It’s inside the core. Sorry to confuse you. Look it up.

I’m not a chemist of course, so I don’t completely understand how the processes work. I just know that I was always worried about seeds when making juice. I knew that they had cyanide in them and was scared about dying. It turns out that drinking water is far more dangerous. As explained in my blog about cancer it’s important to maintain a balanced and healthy body free from poisons. The easiest way to do this is to get DISTILLED (not spring) water. Distilled water is reduced to it’s most essential molecular form, as we know as H2O. I do think that there is more to the “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” theory regardless. And do believe that seeds are involved…

2. White rice is the fountain of youth

White rice affects mitochondrial health. A grain of rice actually LOOKS like a mitochondrion. We can remember from biology class that mitochondria are essential to life forms and contain their own ancient DNA. Maybe this has something to do with collective unconscious…but I read way too much Jung.

So why does it make you Jung? [Sorry…not funny]

Aging is caused by a decline in mitochondrial function. The mitochondria make chemical energy called ATP.  Or simply, they turn matter into energy. Remember Einstein? He talked about this a lot. Just trust me, mitochondria are important for anti-aging and rice has the blueprint.


Free radicals, among other things, damage macro molecules including the DNA in the mitochondria. This causes mutations in the mitochondrial DNA. If you slow down the damage to the DNA you delay aging. Mitochondrial damage IS reversible.

More about Mitochondria:

Josie Grouse talks about meeting the Dalai Lama (he was eating rice):

Why is it spiritual? It’s healing, which puts your body into balance. This enhances your intuitive senses.

You’ll probably start noticing face masks and various other products involving rice after reading this. That always happens when you become aware about something. Keep in mind that white rice is one of the most inexpensive and widely available staples all around the world! I would figure out how to make it at home if you want to do a face mask.

For a spiritual connection I have absolutely noticed that simply eating some plain, steamed white rice during the day before a meditation influences my connection to the experience. I feel light and open. The Dalai Lama eats rice all day. If you’re doing a fast maybe try breaking the fast with a bowl of white rice and waiting about an hour before eating anything else. Even simple intermittent fasting followed by white rice alone will be an interesting control for you as an experiment. See how you feel. Maybe this feeling is your connection to the cosmos!

Gluten Free since ’93

(should be the white rice campaign slogan)

Nightmares and Ghosts – Hauntings and Haters

I’ve noticed since living by myself that I don’t have nightmares anymore. Yet when I’ve lived with people before I’ve had spooky visions and have even been affected by hauntings.

Can you see your shadow? Shadow side that is…the deep subconscious that we ourselves often don’t even know about. That’s your ghost.

What is the connection? I think that we access whatever lives in our subconscious so if you have darkness and evil thoughts floating around that will affect those around you. Especially sensitive people. I believe that hauntings are bad energy that was left behind. That’s why there would be “ghosts” if there was something catastrophic. Anything super traumatic would leave behind an energy footprint. Some people carry around this sort of thing and it can manifest into real experiences.

Not to freak you out, but your mind is truly the most powerful thing in YOUR world. You can create things that happen around you. You choose to experience this existence however you want. So if you give energy to bad memories that haunt you, you could have a physical haunting experience. I’m really into sound therapy right now and there are a lot of warnings that go with activating certain parts of your mind. The subconscious can hold some pretty powerful stuff. So if you don’t want to unleash the titans, so to speak, you really need to change your mindset and come to terms with things that have happened in your past.

Which one am I talking to?

I find that blaming myself helps in most situations. Truly. If something bad happens I think, “Well, why did that happen? I was doing bad stuff myself. Or I made bad decisions. I was in the wrong place. The timing was off.” Whatever it was that caused me to experience pain in the past, I try to let it go and not be marked by it. It helps that I stay away from people though. When you have to go out into the world everyday you are affected by the mindset of others. This is scary stuff.

If you work with a lot of people you might experience haters. Haters make it difficult to come to terms with your past because they keep bringing stuff up and throwing it in your face to try to break you down. A good way to deal with this, if you cannot eliminate the haters from your life (which is ultimately your best bet) then learn to not give af. I truly embraced not giving af when I realized that people make up stories about you. I was constantly dealing with a game of telephone. People would tell me rumors that were way off from the truth. Sometimes there would be outright lies. There really are a lot of bad people in the world. I hate to say this, but fundamentally what this blog is about is also what these bad people don’t understand how to control.

People who shoot bad energy out are coming from a place of utter hell. They can manifest this around them as they see the world to be bad so they are walking around in this self-created cemetery of hate and malice. That’s pretty heavy and you don’t need to take that on.

If someone targets you, know that it has nothing to do with you. If you are going about your business and are targeted truly through no fault of your own, then you can’t help it. You can only learn to deal with these situations. Never give energy to people who are trying to hurt you. It’s like a little kid or a dog trying to get attention. They smack their brother or pee on your shoe. Kids and dogs don’t mean to be evil and it’s hard to hold onto hate for a little kid or a dog. They don’t know any better. They are fundamentally selfish beings.

We need to start realizing that adults are just grown up kids. Most of us DON’T KNOW ANY BETTER. We’re not perfect beings. We’re all starting out reacting to life. What changes things is when we start choosing behavior and re-routing our paths. You might have heard people say “retrain your brain.” This is part of that. We can actively create our lives by being cognizant of what we are putting out and how we DECIDE to react, diffuse or ignore situations.

Check out that beautiful angel orb. That’s an example of a positive energy footprint on this world. Good people = angel energy.

When you see the little kid inside of someone who was confused and sad, you would never want to hurt them more. You would want to help them to feel safe and learn to deal with the world around them so it turns from a dark thriller into a beautiful comedy in technicolor. That’s why I’m writing these blogs. I’m not getting anything out of it other than the gratification of knowing that maybe there’s someone out there who is like me. Someone who wants to live in heaven but has been through hell. The easiest way to start creating more beauty around you is to immediately see that little kid in every person you encounter. That’s who you’re talking to. The rest should unfold naturally.


Love Tender by Blur. It’s one of my all-time favorite songs…because it’s about loving your ghosts.

Tender is the ghost
The ghost I love the most
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the night to come
Tender is my heart
I’m screwing up my life
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

A great sound meditation to help you clear your demons:

I listen to these when I feel like I need a nap. I always wake up right when the meditation stops and feel refreshed. Sometimes it’s not pleasant though. If you have had a release you may feel tired. You may also feel hungry if you’ve cleared a blockage. I will never share a trance frequency that I haven’t tried myself and had positive results from. This one is magnificent! It was transformational for me on a REALLY bad day.

Once you feel that you’re in a good place and want to start manifesting things in your life you can transition to one of these:

And once you reach a spiritual place of love and acceptance, you can start focusing on manifesting abundance in the physical realm. Obviously money is the key that unlocks all of the comforts of life. Entering this space, however, requires openness and positivity.

“I’m friends with the monster

that’s under my bed.

I get along with the voices

inside of my head.”

Boulevard Girl – A song about me, the Viper Room, Sunset Boulevard and walking alone

My friend wrote the song Boulevard Girl after we were at the Viper Room one very dramatic night.

Bottom left is where we parked and took a picture with the giant guitar in front of Coffee Bean, then crossed Sunset and went to Isla Cantina and Viper Room (bottom right). Top left is where I lived on Sycamore.

We had been at Isla Cantina having tequila most likely (I worked there but was off that night) then we went to the Viper Room. 

Booth where we were sitting at Viper Room

We went out to the patio after we’d had a drink with some people and I remember getting pissed off about some tawdry remark and just walked off.

Boulevard Girl – Bethany Ryan with a bad attitude on the Sunset Strip (this was taken in front of the Comedy Store in 2012)

I waved down a cab that was heading east and said, “I don’t have any money but can you take me home? I’ll give you money later.” The guy took me to Sycamore St where I was living at the time and we exchanged numbers. Probably never paid him though…but not because I didn’t want to.

Stevie playing guitar on a mountain – I need to see if he has that pic of us that night. I’ve never seen it.
Bartending at Isla Cantina – This is a good one with Halloween coming up. It’s my ode to Hamlet.

The next time that I talked to Stevie he said that the guy that we were with fell off of the 10 ft brick wall behind Isla after I left and was taken to the hospital. I asked if he went to the hospital too. He said, “Nah I just walked off. He was bleeding.”

A wise person once told me, “Nothing good happens after 2 am.” #goodadvice

Slow Detox – Super Lemonade

I just made this up last night because frozen juice cans were on sale 10 for $10. I’m detoxing now but doing it in stages. Here are my self-created stages that could change at any time (links to blogs for more info):

Stage 1: Activated Charcoal Cleanse

Stage 2: Eat whatever you want while body readjusts away from alcohol and medications.

Stage 3: Shift toward vegan but not strict

Still eating sugar, butter, and mayo for example. Not really focusing on looking good. Still in the initial stages of detox. I feel that it’s easier to stick with this if you splurge with things like sugary lemonade instead of getting off course by going out drinking or eating pizza and burgers. I’m realizing that I really just like sugary drinks and that the fun of going out drinking was more about the fresh cocktails than the effects of the alcohol. I tested this by putting a box of white wine in my fridge. If I got the urge to drink I would have a glass of that. Bleh! By the end of a week I had only opted to drink twice and both times were painful. That proved to me that I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a sugarholic…at least right now. Candy is allowed at this stage. What other detox do you know of that allows Sour Patch Kids and gummi bears? My diet plan is the best!

Stage 4: Cut the crap

No more sugar, dairy condiments, etc. Make fresh lemonade by juicing lemons, apples, and raspberries.

Stage 5: Maintenance

Have meat and cocktails on special occasions and cheat days. Try to avoid dairy and gluten.

The lemonade theory for last night was more about making a “mocktail” that tastes good than about health. But I did want to incorporate some health to give me a natural buzz to go with the sugar. I added the super food Acai and raspberries to the frozen lemonade to give it a bougie quality. Without further adieu, the Super Lemonade recipe:

Super Lemonade

1 can pink or raspberry lemonade from freezer section

1 can original lemonade from freezer section

1 scoop Acai powder

1 package frozen raspberries

Puree Acai powder and frozen raspberries with some distilled water (enough to blend them well without sticking to Nutribullet or blender). Combine Acai/raspberry puree with both cans of frozen lemonade in giant pitcher. Fill to top with distilled water.


Add turmeric and black peppar for anti-inflammatory lemonade

Add cayenne peppar to boost metabolism

Add cinnamon to counteract sugar overload

Add rosemary for cognitive function and extra anti-oxidants

Stir and chill

25 Random Questions

Things I find magical at this point: Myself

Goals: Outsmart Venus Retrograde

Favorite food: Sushi

What I’m looking at right now: Hempz lotion

What made me sad: My orchids dying

What made me happy: Presents

Candy or booze?: Alternate

Least favorite person: You know who you are

Least favorite holiday: Hint…it’s this month

Favorite contraption: The computer mouse

Favorite car: Mercedes or Tesla

Best feature: Brain when it’s not sad

Worst feature: Shrek feet

Dream: Happy family with a white picket fence (not literally, I’d get a 10ft privacy wall)

Best symphony: Henry Mancini movie themes (doesn’t exactly count)

Favorite composer: Franz Schubert

Favorite kind of dog: German Shepherd

My next pet will be: Boy Shepherd, Hound Dog, Great Dane or Doberman…or horse

Why I love cats: They’re so smart

What makes me laugh: Netflix stand-up

Who is the most overrated talk show host: The mean one

Book everyone should own: Tao Te Ching

Favorite modern day philosopher: Osho

Favorite philosopher: Carl Jung (more of a scientist though)

Favorite person with a questionable political stance: Friedrich Neitzsche

Balance is key in relationships – Get ready to be offended

Have you ever wondered, “What am I getting out of this?” in any situation? Yes you have. Sorry to break it to you, but relationships are transaction based as is everything else.

What am I doing with this guy?

In relationships, the currency can be any of the following:




-Regular food

-Satisfactory shelter

-Bills paid on time

-Fun times


-Therapy/support (someone who asks about you and helps you figure out life)


These are just some examples of things that we get out of relationships. In developing nations relationships are cooperation. People literally need one another to survive.

This baby is going to help you in the field. Let’s make one who does dishes. And a spare…just in case.

When we get out of that situation and have our most inherent “needs” met we have more leeway to be picky about partners. We start to weigh out prospective partners by comparing them to see who is the most suitable “catch.”

Who’s the best catch? Depends on who’s selecting.

What one person has to offer may be interpreted differently based on the eye of the beholder. We all have different value systems. So your prospective partner needs to bring something to the table.

Brody could get anyone but he found Kaitlynn who is successful in her own right. Plus she’s adorable, but he’s rich. And they’re both nice. This is a balanced couple.

Usually you will select someone who has what you want. That’s easy.

I love his dogs!

If a person doesn’t balance out extremes that they bring to the table they will be eliminated. So if you’re not that attractive yet expect a young starlet on your arm, you’ll probably want to get her career going (Mariah Carey, Celine Dion). This can be dangerous because marrying people for the wrong reasons tends to lack a key element: Love. Plus people who marry for shallow reasons lack the capacity to be loyal…or so I’ve noticed.

Sorry Honey, I made a lot of money and now I don’t need you.

If you’re broke you’ll want to work on improving your social collateral by being as interesting, stylish and as attractive as possible. In movies there tends to be an imbalance in the relationship which makes the fantasy appealing. The dowdy woman lands the hot and sexy guy who turns out to be rich or a prince (yet we want people to like us how we are).

Hugh Grant was sick of dating super models in Two Weeks Notice and found dowdy Sandra Bullock who truly understands what he needs. And they live happily ever after in his penthouse.

Or the little nerds create a hot robot who thinks that they’re sex pots. Nice try.

These two program their dream girl and she comes to life…and likes them for how they are.

In real life we all need to get real. If your relationship seems unbalanced then you should thank your lucky stars that your amazing and fabulous mate is with you. If you are the amazing and fabulous one, chances are you’re getting pretty discontent with your bump-on-a-log partner and maybe should share this article with them.

Peg Bundy, you’re not bringing much to the table which is why your husband is a miserable couch potato.

If you do not put forth effort in life, do not expect the world to fall at your feet. Improve yourself and attract quality people.

Here I am! New Britney’s on a mission 😉

The Irony of a Soulmate: What we can learn about the most notorious celebrity couples of all time

Have you ever had someone in your life who leaves you on the floor time and time again? And you’ve considered over and over what it would take for this person to be tolerable? The dialogue would go something like this:

I don’t want to change you, but I don’t want to be with you either.

That’s because I don’t want to deal with the things that inherently I want to change. It would be exhausting. BUT I do love you for all that you are.

The irony is that if you don’t change yourself then we can’t be together, but if you do change yourself then we also can’t be together because then you wouldn’t be you and then I wouldn’t love you more than anyone else.

It’s really tragic. And immature. Still, everyone loves soulmates.

I’ve put together the most notorious soulmates from history for consideration:

Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra
Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee

Being Civilized on Bumble

I was looking for a funny video on YouTube to watch for a bit to put off taking my dogs for our daily “long walk,” which is something that I started yesterday. I know that we’re all lazy slobs at this point so it has to happen. But procrastination is my forte so I wanted to see something uplifting that makes me feel as if I’m not the only person out there like me (but I am btw…the evidence keeps growing). The Runyon Canyon Dates YouTube was what I was kinda thinking of. Something like that. My horoscope guy has only put out 5 horoscopes so far today and none of them are people that I’m mentally stalking. I actually watched all of the ones that were about signs that I’m not mentally stalking and got all suspicious and actually blocked someone on messenger because it escalated that quickly in my head.

So I look up “funny Bumble dating” and none of the videos were funny. They were painful. I couldn’t relate to anyone on the videos. They were talking about getting dick pics and I’m like, “Yeah, try that with me.” People don’t do that with me because it’s gotten around that I’m dangerous. So this might also have something to do with my poor response on dating sites, not to mention my exes tend to intercept all of my messages anyway. This is NOT an exaggeration and if you think I’m making it up try starting a DM convo with me. See how quickly it ends.

I know for a fact that someone is intercepting my texts because I was texting my friend Lindsey and she said something like, “There are good guys out there,” which was followed directly with, “Just not ones that intercept DMs.” [DMs by the way are direct messages.] So I assumed that my messages were tainted again and stopped that phone plan. I have stopped messaging pretty much completely because it always ends up awkward like someone is pressing me for info. I’ll get messages from people I’ve known FOREVER that are totally out of character. They won’t know basic details of our relationship. I’ll do trick questions and the response will be way off. They’ll always be trying to lead me toward some sort of end like finding out what the nature of the relationship is. Then the conversation always ends with the person randomly never responding to me again. If I bring this up to anyone I know they call my mom and then my mom is suggesting that I go to a “place with gardens” for a few months.  Now I just allude to the strange goings on in a lyrical maze. If people read into it fine.

Back to Bumble. My texts (DMs) on there become abusive almost from the beginning. Either the person accuses me of being a fake account OR they send 7 messages in a row with the final ones being very angry. I rarely login to that site because it’s pretty pointless to me. How can you judge a man by his photo? Most of them aren’t what I would consider even handsome. So without getting to know them and seeing if they can manage themselves through a few dates without trying to ruin my life on purpose…how am I supposed to know what I’m working with? It requires way too much effort on my part. I need someone to go through all the bs for me. Like an assistant. I could pay them $10 an hour and they could go through all of the people apps for a couple of hours each day and correspond for me. Then I wouldn’t have to have anymore brain damage.

I’ve put together a list of how to act like a human being. It could also be called “What women really want,” though I can’t speak for all women because I’m not like anyone else. Pretty much…whatever works for everyone else isn’t going to work for me. Because there are a lot of us.

  1. If you want to communicate, respond.
  2. Don’t try to make me jealous…ever.
  3. Make me feel like I’m the only woman that you’ll ever be interested in. If you need to say that you’re gay and that I converted you…that’s fine.
  4. Don’t be on dating sites. Eww.
  5. Don’t ask me a lot of questions.
  6. Have exes that I don’t find threatening.
  7. Don’t talk about me to other people.
  8. Don’t try to get me drunk.
  9. Bring up the giant fenced in yard that you hope to have someday.
  10. Buy me things. I’ll immediately be addicted to you and forget about everyone else.
  11. Have something to talk about. Bring up things you’ve done. Talk about philosophy and ideas.
  12. Be fun. Serious is awful.
  13. Let me be myself. Like me for who I am, not what you thought I’d be like.
  14. Enjoy learning about the latest conspiracy theories, diet trends, scientific discoveries, human behavior, supplements, rising signs, French design, ancient war strategies, historic liaisons, probability, thyroid function, lethal acids, astrological cartography, and your entire astrological chart/daily horoscope updates.
  15. Let me pick out clothes for you.
  16. Be slightly antisocial.
  17. Be a little bit evil, because life’s about balance and evil people are nicer.
  18. Look kinda like me.
  19. Watch out for me when I drink.
  20. Be genuinely concerned about the well-being of others.
  21. Expect me to look homeless 90% of the time (homeless with a backdoor key to Nordstrom Rack).
  22. Don’t act awkward when I finally get ready and look unrecognizable.
  23. Don’t fear my drunk personality…she can smell it.
  24. NEVER fight with me.
  25. Be a little unavailable.
  26. Suggest that we have some champagne often.
  27. Take me shopping.
  28. Get me a gift certificate to Etsy (do those exist?).
  29. Have similar tastes in entertainment as me…though I don’t know exactly what those are.
  30. Expect to walk out of bad movies.
  31. Expect to hear me lie to call center technicians.
  32. Don’t be sober. It’s too exaggerated.
  33. Tell me how boring everyone else is.

That’s all that I have for now. I tried to truly channel my inner desires when writing that list just now. I thought, “What would really be charming to me?” and then wrote whatever came to mind first. Looking back at it I think that I’ve confirmed that I am a borderline everything including Narcissist. Isn’t that the first thing that people say that they DON’T want? Maybe that’s women. “Don’t be a narcissist.” “He’s a narcissist.” That is so over. Psychopath is the new trend post 2016 obv.

I watched a video recorded seminar on psychopaths the other day. I think that my fascination with the psychopath mind could have something to do with why my past relationships were so dangerous. I honestly can’t say who I find more charming, Trump or Putin. It’s terrible. There’s no way Putin would be on Bumble. He’s way busy.